Blogging for Blondes: A Mutt McKowski Mystery

by Deborah Baudoin

The Time: A few weeks back, Thursday maybe

The Place: AnySite, The Internet

The Client: The Blonde

It was raining when she came into my office. I’d been blogging for my supper for years, but I’d never seen a dame like this. Smart, classy—way too posh for my blood. But I invited her in, offered her the cleanest seat in the joint, and opened up my second-best bottle of Scotch. She refused, of course—classy dame like that was champagne all the way, I’ll bet.

She didn’t waste time. “I need your help, Mr. McKowski, and I need it soon,” she said. Her words may have been desperate, but I had no doubt this was a woman who knew her mind. “I gotta get on this blog train, and I gotta get there fast.”

I smiled, flashing her a dazzling glimpse of the pearly whites. I’d been down this road before. Business types, scientists, entrepreneurs–eventually, they all wound up crossing my threshold. “You need a blogger?”

She blushed slightly, and turned a little to the side. “I’d never be so crass,” she admitted. “But I need new content for my site, and they tell me you’re the best.”

“I’m cheap, but I’m good.” No harm in being a little modest, right?

“But I’m worried, Mr. McKowski. I’ve tried other content sites before, and they always let me down. Took my money and done me wrong…” I handed her a tissue, but let her continue with her sob story. “You see, when I started out, I thought I could do it all myself. Run my business, handle the money, do the marketing. But that blasted blog—it was an energy pit. It demanded I pay…constantly…with new content, fresh blogs.” She wiped her tears. “I need your help, Mr. McKowski. I need someone to create real, quality content for my site. Not one of those keyword-stacking hacks, but a true wordsmith who understands my business and can bring value to my customers.”

“I feel your pain, Sister,” I told her, and it was true. So many of my clients thought they could just put up a blog and the business would start rolling in. It wasn’t that they were naïve. No, these were smart business people who knew their jobs. But nobody said blogging would be part of the job description. That’s where I came in.

“Listen, Ma’am, you don’t need to worry. I can help you. I got what you need.”

I pulled out my trusty tablet and opened up to my home page. I showed her my samples—good, honest posts in a variety of industries. “I got a good group of kids working for me—hungry, passionate writers who love learning about new things.”

As she scrolled through the pages of my internal blog, her eyes got wider. “So many businesses? Can they really write about all these things?”

“And more,” I assured her. “We’re not some fly-by-night blogmill, churning out junk to clutter up bandwidth. My kids are real writers, and they want to write for you.”

Her smile faded. “For a price,” she said, her voice cynical.

“For a fair price.” I knew she didn’t believe me, so I showed her my rate sheet. When she gasped, I knew I had the gig. “I’m a humanitarian,” I joked.

She signed with me that day, and we got her the quality content she required. Not only did she get her money’s worth, the dame recommended me to all her high-class business friends. Now Mutt McKowski is the most well-known secret in the business community.

The moral of the story? You probably wouldn’t hire a 3-legged dog to be a soda jerk, would ya? So why would you hire anyone but a writer to produce your blog content?

So the next time you look at your blog and it’s as empty as rummy’s liquor cabinet, just remember ol’ BlogMutt McKowski.

THE END

blogging for blondes

Editor’s Note: Sometimes inspiration just hits a writer, and the great part about blogging is that there’s always a place for it. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t tell the writers that I wanted a guys-and-dames fictional style post. I didn’t even ask for fiction. But the writer, Deborah, got inspired and felt safe enough to send it in and I’m so glad she did because I just find this to be hilarious. Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for this kind of writing where you can almost smell the leather of the chairs and the cool iron of the pistol in the top drawer. You won’t see this every day on our blog, or even every month, but every once in a while… What the heck! (By the way, the writers can put a byline on posts for our blog, but for your blog they don’t have a byline. You can tell people you wrote it. We’re Mutt McKowski, we won’t mind. 😉 — Scott

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