April 1, 2014
As I write this blog, I am looking out from the balcony of my oceanfront home in Malibu at the calm, blue Pacific. The sun is a large and watery pink ball and is half sunk towards the horizon, well on its way to my other beach home in Maui.
Yes, life is good, and I owe it all to blogging.
It was so easy that I don’t even plan to market one of those “You can do it, too!” campaigns and sell books at the end of dynamic personal appearances. My experience can be replicated, and anyone can become a millionaire blogger. All you need is a billionaire oil company representative and the ability to write with no scruples.
Here is My Story
My first big break came after I had been freelancing for Verblio (formerly BlogMutt) for about six months. No, Verblio will not earn writers millions of dollars, but it opened the door for me. One day I was doing some research for this blog I wanted to do for an environmental cleanup site. Lo and behold, I came across this ad that read, “Qatar Oil Company Official Seeks Experienced PR Blogger.” Wow! I thought, Blogging for a billionaire! I’m going to make tons of petrobucks!
I applied, sent a writing sample and was asked to write blogs on three subjects:
- How Oil Spills Are Good for the Environment
- Is Fracking the Solution to California’s Earthquake Danger?
- Why Electric Automobiles Are a Danger to Our Elderly
Now here’s the secret to writing a good blog: you have to get inside the customer’s head to the extent that after reading your writing he asks the question, “Hey! Do I know you?”
Then there’s the issue of having to set aside any principles you might have that would interfere with the customer’s wishes.
Writing for a Billionaire
In writing pieces on the above-mentioned topics, I had no problem with knowing what was going on inside the heads of big oil. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. I did have a few problems in my research, though. So I had to be somewhat creative in my rationale for each blog. To wit:
- Oil spills are good for the environment to the extent that the cleanup effort generally results in repairing far more than it despoils. Then there’s the benefit of ridding parasites from seabirds, which need to be scrubbed after a spill – OK. I had to pad that one a bit, and the British Petroleum handling of the PR after that big spill down south didn’t help much.
- Fracking is definitely not the solution to earthquakes, and there is absolutely no connection between blowing junk into our groundwater and relieving pressure along the San Andreas Fault. I got around that one by shifting the focus from California to Colorado and pointing out that there has not been a single tremor where fracking has occurred. It’s hard to disprove a negative, and the Qatar oil guy probably figured that Colorado was close enough.
- Finally, there are absolutely no statistics to support the proposition that electric cars are a danger to the elderly. My approach here was probably a bit unfair and really stereotyping old people, who can be forgetful. The elderly might – I emphasized might – have a tendency to forget to charge up the car for that doctor’s visit, for example. Think about the effect on geriatric preventative care. Haven’t things gotten crazy enough with the hassles of ObamaCare without adding electric cars into the mix?
Well, the rest is history. I didn’t believe a single word of what I wrote, but the Qatar oil people loved my stuff. At $10,000 per blog my bank account soon grew. My reputation throughout the Middle East spread and I have typically had to turn work away.
Other Important Features
I am also fluent in Spanish and have done some profitable work for Venezuelan oil companies, but that, as they say down there, es totalmente distinto. I just hope the people in Qatar don’t connect me to those blogs I wrote about how oil from the Middle East was contaminated with airborne pathogens.
Between all those demands for pro-big oil pieces, I still make time to write for the site that gave me my start. You don’t have to be a billionaire to get some reputable writing for a reasonable price. So contact us.
And, by the way, you’ve probably figured out this is my April Fools’ blog.
Editor’s note: This blog is an example of the kind of writing you can get for your blog. The only thing that’s different is that it has the name of the writer. For your blog, you can say you wrote it. That’s fine with us. We’re happy mutts. Click here for more explanation of this series of posts. — Scott